Hidden Dialogue

Sometimes, without fail, I would encounter people, with good intention, who makes the funniest/weirdest remarks. It makes me smile – when I am in an ok mood. Or frown –when my lower back is killing me (!) and the heat is getting to me.

Take for example, these…

A Neighbour:
Wahhhh! You pregnant ah? Why didn’t tell me?
My reply:
(Smiling) Yes, I am.
(in my head) Would you like me to put up an ad in The New Straits Times daily??!!!?


A Colleague:
You are getting big!
My reply:
(smiling) I am already ---- months.
(in my head) I am pregnant! Not trying to reduce weight!


My Colleague:
You kids look like Chinese-lah.
My reply:
(smiling) Their father is half Chinese-Baba.
(in my head) If they look anything like Colin Farell, I would be in BIG TROUBLE!


Hairdresser:
Your hair so thin, huh…. You should use some tonic for it. I have some…
My reply:
(smiling) No, thank you.
(in my head) Just trim my hair and get it over with, woman!


Person 01:
Why are you so small (in size)?
My reply:
(smiling) It’s genetic…
(in my head) Haven’t you read that petite people aged more slowly due to decreased gravitational influence??!!??


Person 02:
Your husband half Chinese, half Indian ah??? I didn’t know! I thought he was Malay since he is from Peninsular.
My reply:
(smiling) Yes, he’s Chindian.
(in my head) Did you fail your History lessons while in school? There are other races in West Malaysia aside from Malays, you know!!!!!!


A Colleague:
How did you bring your car over from KL ah?
My reply:
(frowning) By ship.
(in my head) Actually it has wings…


Person 03:
You Bidayuh right? Which kampong are you from?
My reply:
(smiling) Kuching.
(in my head) Kuching, you idiot! I was born and raised in the CITY!!!


Person 03:
You Bidayuh right? Do you understand the word ‘ ---‘?
My reply:
(frowning) No.
(in my head) I speak Bukar-Sadong. If you call yourself a Sarawakian, you would know that Bidayuhs speak several dialect and we may not necessarily understand the other dialects. It’s like saying Cantonese or Mandarin, or Foochow, or Hakka. IDIOT!


But all in all, I would just blame it on – what I shall call – the Malaysian way (read: IGNORANCE).