" ... But take your time, think a lot,
Why, think of everything you’ve got.
For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not..."
- Father and Son by Ronan Keating -
"... And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart.
If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes..."
- If Tomorrow Never Comes by Ronan Keating -
"... I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens..."
- I Hope You Dance by Ronan Keating -
"...I give my hand to you with all my heart
Can't wait to live my life with you, can't wait to start
You and I will never be apart
My dreams came true because of you..."
- From This Moment On by Shania Twain -
Friday, June 17, 2005
Hidden Dialogue
Sometimes, without fail, I would encounter people, with good intention, who makes the funniest/weirdest remarks. It makes me smile – when I am in an ok mood. Or frown –when my lower back is killing me (!) and the heat is getting to me.
Take for example, these…
A Neighbour:
Wahhhh! You pregnant ah? Why didn’t tell me?
My reply:
(Smiling) Yes, I am.
(in my head) Would you like me to put up an ad in The New Straits Times daily??!!!?
A Colleague:
You are getting big!
My reply:
(smiling) I am already ---- months.
(in my head) I am pregnant! Not trying to reduce weight!
My Colleague:
You kids look like Chinese-lah.
My reply:
(smiling) Their father is half Chinese-Baba.
(in my head) If they look anything like Colin Farell, I would be in BIG TROUBLE!
Hairdresser:
Your hair so thin, huh…. You should use some tonic for it. I have some…
My reply:
(smiling) No, thank you.
(in my head) Just trim my hair and get it over with, woman!
Person 01:
Why are you so small (in size)?
My reply:
(smiling) It’s genetic…
(in my head) Haven’t you read that petite people aged more slowly due to decreased gravitational influence??!!??
Person 02:
Your husband half Chinese, half Indian ah??? I didn’t know! I thought he was Malay since he is from Peninsular.
My reply:
(smiling) Yes, he’s Chindian.
(in my head) Did you fail your History lessons while in school? There are other races in West Malaysia aside from Malays, you know!!!!!!
A Colleague:
How did you bring your car over from KL ah?
My reply:
(frowning) By ship.
(in my head) Actually it has wings…
Person 03:
You Bidayuh right? Which kampong are you from?
My reply:
(smiling) Kuching.
(in my head) Kuching, you idiot! I was born and raised in the CITY!!!
Person 03:
You Bidayuh right? Do you understand the word ‘ ---‘?
My reply:
(frowning) No.
(in my head) I speak Bukar-Sadong. If you call yourself a Sarawakian, you would know that Bidayuhs speak several dialect and we may not necessarily understand the other dialects. It’s like saying Cantonese or Mandarin, or Foochow, or Hakka. IDIOT!
But all in all, I would just blame it on – what I shall call – the Malaysian way (read: IGNORANCE).
Take for example, these…
A Neighbour:
Wahhhh! You pregnant ah? Why didn’t tell me?
My reply:
(Smiling) Yes, I am.
(in my head) Would you like me to put up an ad in The New Straits Times daily??!!!?
A Colleague:
You are getting big!
My reply:
(smiling) I am already ---- months.
(in my head) I am pregnant! Not trying to reduce weight!
My Colleague:
You kids look like Chinese-lah.
My reply:
(smiling) Their father is half Chinese-Baba.
(in my head) If they look anything like Colin Farell, I would be in BIG TROUBLE!
Hairdresser:
Your hair so thin, huh…. You should use some tonic for it. I have some…
My reply:
(smiling) No, thank you.
(in my head) Just trim my hair and get it over with, woman!
Person 01:
Why are you so small (in size)?
My reply:
(smiling) It’s genetic…
(in my head) Haven’t you read that petite people aged more slowly due to decreased gravitational influence??!!??
Person 02:
Your husband half Chinese, half Indian ah??? I didn’t know! I thought he was Malay since he is from Peninsular.
My reply:
(smiling) Yes, he’s Chindian.
(in my head) Did you fail your History lessons while in school? There are other races in West Malaysia aside from Malays, you know!!!!!!
A Colleague:
How did you bring your car over from KL ah?
My reply:
(frowning) By ship.
(in my head) Actually it has wings…
Person 03:
You Bidayuh right? Which kampong are you from?
My reply:
(smiling) Kuching.
(in my head) Kuching, you idiot! I was born and raised in the CITY!!!
Person 03:
You Bidayuh right? Do you understand the word ‘ ---‘?
My reply:
(frowning) No.
(in my head) I speak Bukar-Sadong. If you call yourself a Sarawakian, you would know that Bidayuhs speak several dialect and we may not necessarily understand the other dialects. It’s like saying Cantonese or Mandarin, or Foochow, or Hakka. IDIOT!
But all in all, I would just blame it on – what I shall call – the Malaysian way (read: IGNORANCE).
Thursday, June 16, 2005
DILBERT'S LAWS OF WORK
I solemnly swear that with my recent re-designation, I shall practise as much as possible, all the Laws mentioned which I have italised below.
1. If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.
2. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
3. Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
4. It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do.
5. After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
6. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
7. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard/note pad.
8. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
9. When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
10. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
11. There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.
12. Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back.
13. Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."
14. Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
15. To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.
16. Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing.
17. Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
18. If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
19. You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
20. People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.
21. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
22. At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
23. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
24. Following the rules will not get the job done.
25. Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.
26. When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
27. No matter how much you do, you never do enough.
28. The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.
1. If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.
2. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
3. Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
4. It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do.
5. After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
6. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
7. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard/note pad.
8. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
9. When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
10. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
11. There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.
12. Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back.
13. Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."
14. Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
15. To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.
16. Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing.
17. Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
18. If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
19. You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
20. People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.
21. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
22. At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
23. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
24. Following the rules will not get the job done.
25. Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.
26. When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
27. No matter how much you do, you never do enough.
28. The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.
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